only one thing going on...

But it is a big one. Chris and I are buying my mother's house. To do such a thing we have to sell our current house. My mother does not live far, she lives in the City, in a slightly larger house with a more finished basement.

We have made nice improvements to the house we live in since we moved in. The back living room used to be panel walls with a weird, drafty sliding glass door. Chris took out the paneling and put up drywall and replaced the door with windows. He also added windows looking into the back yard, this helps a lot when watching the kids and/or yelling at them through those windows. He also replaced the water pipes. He has learned a lot and leaned on his friends a lot for knowledge and tools.

But getting the house ready to sell has challenged him at every turn. First, he replaced the bathroom floor which is slightly more complicated because one wants to make sure the fixtures are replaced perfectly to avoid leaks (plumber friends help).

He built a wall where a makeshift wall had been between the second bathroom and pantry were. Then he ripped up the sidewalk because some of the panels had been damaged by the snow of 2009. He replaced the entire sidewalk (with the help of our local cement vendor and a very good friend). It looks great.

He fixed a light that had not worked in years, he put up the gutters (dont ask), he replaced carpet with a hard floor in a well-travelled transition area.

He somehow got our kids to help him move all of our yard debris from 8 years of living here into a trailer and transported it away from our house. Finally, he has moved much of our stuff out of the house to my mother's basement. He has been superman. He still has to replace the kitchen floor and some stuff I cant remember.

ME? Oh, I have been continuing to make meals (unless I pick up dinner), watching the children, packing and trying to convince Chris to hire people to do the work he is doing (without much success). We have hired people to replace the roof (he would still be working on it if we had not hired someone) and to help with landscaping/clean up.

My mother had been well into the process of getting her house ready for sale with the help of a realtor. Since the realtor was not needed to complete the sale, we agreed to have her realtor sell our house. He is coming this week to inspect Chris' work and see if our house is ready for sale. We have lots to do before he comes, but we are a lot further along than the first time he came to visit.

Our house is a great house, in a wonderful neighborhood, we love it here.  We love the way the boys walk by themselves to their friends house right up the road. We love that when we go for a walk, we run into someone we know. We had no plans of leaving ever, but since we now have three children who continue to inexplicably grow, the idea of a bigger house is appealing, and since my mom was ready to sell hers, well it just seemed like a great deal.

My mom has lived in her house for 16 years. We had our rehearsal dinner party at her house, we have had countless holidays and meals at her house, my children have been at her house many days a week since they were born.  I studied for the bar exam when I couldnt stand the mess at Chris and his roommate's apartment anymore before we were married (since I passed it seems relevant). Now Chris and I will make more memories at the house, as our own home. How cool is that?

Busy, busy or not busy doing important things

I have very good friends. On Facebook one of them posted this article on How to Escape the Cult of "Busy". You may have heard of it,  I definitely suffer from it. I even joke that I do not know how I had time to work since I remain so busy after several months of not working. My to do list is not getting any shorter but the mean girl voice in my head does get sharper.

I think in some ways, I answer this way because people expect me to answer this way. Sometimes as I think about how I am doing, someone will say "busy" with a knowing glance. I nod because my mind remains blank as to how I am doing. I am smart, but sometimes my mind works slowly. I do not have a quick response for everything (unless it is sarcastic, I always have a quip ready).

The author gives a number of reasons why people constantly say they are busy. I think I suffer from all of them.

I matter
I am super important
I am giving you an easy excuse
I am afraid
I feel guilty

I am not sure how relevant the first two are- but to be honest I am sure there is some of that going into my "I am so busy" mantra. But the last three are the ones that hit home.

The reality is chasing a two year old around all day and caring for a houshold of a husband and two older boys does keep me very busy. BUT there is time, I spend most of it on Twitter and Facebook and generally wasting the time. So while my time is full, it is not fulfilling.  Dont get me wrong, I love Twitter, I appreciate all of the people I follow and let me keep up with their lives, but it is not actually living to do so.

I could try to stop being afraid and guilty and worried about doing something half assed. I could be more silent. Perhaps I should try small increments.

Today I will start with twenty minutes of quiet during Ryan's nap time. I will put the phone away, turn the tv off and read one of the three books on the side of my bed (Bible, Breaking Free, or Lean In). Baby steps for a big change, I can do it. Then of course I will nap, because a mother should always sleep when her baby (toddler) is sleeping. :)  I am joining my friend who said "wont you join me?" in her effort to escape the cult of busy.

You can be sure I am busy, just as I am sure you are busy, but when I ask you how you are, let me know if I can help or let me know how you are for real.

We are gifts to this world, we dont need to listen to the ugly voice in our head.

Green of Spring

Lots of sad things happen in the world. I can be overwhelmed by the stories and sorrow. I only know one thing to do: pray. I have been doing a lot of that for my family and friends and strangers who I encounter on the twitter.

Back in the day I had a great friend. Unfortunately, we are not close any longer. But I still hold a sacred place for her and her family in my heart. Her father passed away shortly before the summer that we both were to be married.

Her father was an amazing man. He had this great accent and often had wise things to say based on his vast experience. He built things and planted things, traveled the world, and raised four children. Also, he had this sense of beauty that one would not ascertain by looking at him.

Before he passed on May 8th almost 11 years ago, he told his daughter he was glad to have seen another spring. He told her that the green of early spring is something to behold after a long winter. His regret was he would miss that green next year. Coming so close to his death, the comments made a significant impression on me.

Whenever I see the early green of spring, it is a different green than the green of late spring, I think of him, and remind myself to be grateful to be able to see the color again. The early spring green fades quickly and these photos do not do justice to the brightness of the color, but the photos remind me of him and gratitude for another season.

Monday- Moms doing nice things

The boys are not in school today. This presents a few problems, but overall I am super excited that we are able to relax into the week.  They are going on a hike later with friends, which is just one of those things I appreciate other mothers for. She texted me and said "hey do your kids want to join us for a hike, maybe scavenger hunt, tomorrow?"
Heck to the yes, yes.

Why dont I think of such things?

As those who follow me on Twitter may know, I received a Valentines Day card from the Coconut Girl in. the. mail. How nice is that?

I posted this on facebook not too long ago:
"2013 -- Let's Pay It Forward -- The first five people to comment on this status will receive from me (sometime in 2013), a handwritten note, perhaps with a gift attached, or a homemade surprise. There will be no warning, no plan, just a gift that I'm hoping you will receive with a smile. The catch, those five people must make the same offer on their FB status. Go. Create. Do. God Bless."
I am looking forward to surprising those five people soon!

Can I be honest though? I would like to be more generous. I am not writing this to be heaped with praise or compliments (see previous posts, if I do want compliments, I will tell you). I am not naturally generous in the small ways. I have ideas about being generous, but follow through is not always there.What I like about the facebook exercise is the idea of forcing myself to do it a few times so I will get in the habit of following through.

I would love to hear small ways people have been generous to you that have made your day. I am hoping to find a balance between generosity and budgetting. Now that I am on a budget, I know it would have been easy to make someone's day when I was working with a small gift certificate or something like that (not that I had time to run and get a gift certicate). I have to consider what generosity looks like without buying things. The Coconut Girl's card and neighborly mother are perfect examples, so I know it is possible.

Tell me, what has made your day recently?

Snow Day

Around this time last year, we had some snow, which was then followed by a winter where we received the most snow ever recorded in Charlottesville. This snow could foreshadow a repeat of last year or it could be the only snow we receive this year or something in between.

The boys had a quintessential December snow day. They played hard with neighbors, sled down hills with friends, and topped it off by "getting the band back together" (Rock Band). In between they decorated a ginger bread house, drank hot chocolate, watch a bit of tv and ate some Christmas cookies. They fell into bed exhausted but filled up from all the fun. I hope they remember these days with the same reverence that I will.

For Marijean

Marijean, I have searched high and low for lard ever since I became aware of your search for the perfect pie crust. I frankly was a bit ashamed that lard is so hard to come by here in Central Virgina.

Happily, my Virginia credentials have returned because I found LARD (ok cut the snarkiness) while on vacation in this store in Burkeville, VA (cleverly the store is called Burkeville Market) the only market for 20 miles. I found lard in almost any variety. So Marijean- thank you for your wonderful posts/tweets and for all of your efforts I offer this photo of lard and the store where one can find it (road trip). :)

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invitations I like to receive

There is a benefit to being on all the email lists I am on; invitations like this one:

I wanted to extend an invitation to a get together that some friends are holding this coming Monday from 5-7. There is no cost, just fun, free food and free wine.

I have been attending a few things lately, so I might just attend this one.

technology&how we think

Great conversation at the Moms Night Out we had last night for preschool moms. We tend to talk about our kids A LOT - but in a good, supportive, non-competitive way. I really appreciate the women - this is our third night out this year.

I annoyed them with my technology talk (twitter, blogs, texting, facebook etc). Someone mentioned an article on how we communicate is becoming more minimal- literally the space available to write or communicate with someone is tiny (cell phone screens, facebook status, tweets, and the quick blog post). How is that impacting our brain- and the structure of how we think?

Sadly, I am unable to consider these questions - instead I rather hurridly go about my day and try hard not to think about things- just move to the next thing. I am constantly receiving input- and my output is fairly blah and quick.

I have written in journals since I was in 6th grade. I quit drinking after writing who I wanted to be and what I actually was, I got over broken romances by re-reading all of the journal entries on how pathetic the boy was and to this day one of my favorite things to do is write a note to a friend/acquaintance and send it snail mail. Clearly I am not a talented writer- but I have always relied on it. I can definitely tell my writing is not as comprehensive. I can think of a line "the perfume of the lilacs ..." but then to take it a step further and create the plot and character and theme I dont do that anymore.

Then someone asked what would I do without any newspapers, internet, computers, or music for a few weeks? (assuming no children around)
What would you do?

I said I would write-

They said they would read- then I remembered I like reading so I probably would sleep, read and write and take long baths (so I would probably have to clean the house too). A break from the input would be helpful to de-clutter the mind, however I also think of blogging as my new journal. Or perhaps it is in lieu of talking on the phone- I dont know.
Thoughts?

Foxfield Weekend Recap

Foxfield is totally different with children. I didn’t really get to wander and see the randomness and chaos that is FF (until the end when the rain forced us to head out at the same time-talk about chaos).

We found a babysitter and I am not telling you who it is- he is an anomaly. He went to FF, sober driver, didn’t want to party after FF and was happy to come over and watch our children sleep while he studied (I mean we even have guitar hero and he didn’t even play video games). The babysitter gave us the opportunity to go out on Saturday night with our friends.

So what did we do with our evening? Baby Mama drama (which may be a long commercial for Karaoke Revolution because now I want that video game), Gamestop drama (for preordered Mario Kart at Midnight), late night with friends and finally to bed. I am a bit bummed we didn’t go to the bars- I say this even though I don’t drink. With the children, I didn’t get to socialize so much at FF, so I kind of wanted to hang out and talk with old/new people. Perhaps this Friday.

I am easily entertained- I enjoyed Baby Mama even in its predictability. A rousing endorsement by me on music or movies should not sway you to do anything different. And at the risk of repeating myself I kicked Greg’s behind in Ms. Pac Man!!! I rock at those 1980’s video games.

Prom, Foxfield and Dogwood Parade- same day?

This is not good planning.
First- I cant see the Jeopardy bus in the parade if I am in traffic trying to get to Foxfield.
Next How can I possibly go out after FF if all the sitters are at prom (or if they are in college they are highly unlikely to be able to babysit after FF)?? College friends come into town several times a year, this is one of them- now we have to stay home with our kids post FF. Once they are in bed we wont be able to do the Corner crawl which is really just us sitting at Maartens and seeing everyone. Instead we will have to be at home, play Wii and harass our friends by texting and calling them at all hours. It will be like we are in college again, but cheaper and earlier wake up times.

Dont drink and drive- have fun safely - and be forewarned the magistrate will be at festivities on Garth Road, so um, how can I say this politely, dont be an a$$ or the County's finest will haul you off to the drunk tank.

Random Trip to NoVA

This past weekend in the spirit of spontaneity, we traveled to visit our friends who recently bought, but have not moved into, a new house. A fine time was had by all. The boys made their first real trip into DC. And by real I mean they could actually enjoy it instead of just going along for the ride.
First we took the Metro, our friend is from NYC so at some point the boys heard the term subway, David shortened it to "sub"- was he hungry? I dont think so, but he had the greatest time on the Metro- indeed a highlight of the trip for him.

Andrew on the other hand, spent the entire time (except for the time it took to take this photo) on mommy's lap, frightened of moving fast. "I was sad because the train moved very fast and I dont like fast" were his words. In writing it isnt nearly as cute as when he says it haltingly and with his "r"'s all messed up. He wanted to walk home from the Mall. I think we would still be walking.


So we ventured from the escalator to the Mall, the boys not so impressed with the Capital as I thought they should be. They were much better on their way out.
but that is only because they thought they were going on the merry-go-round, which they did not.

We went to the museum in between Metro rides. The Smithsonian is free and this could not be a better deal for parents. We rode into the city, spent an hour and a half at the museum and came home. If we had spent any money we have to spend more time, which equals crankiness and hassles for parents. The boys really wanted to go into the interactive room of the Natural History Museaum, which is beyond the dinosaurs and fossils. They enjoyed seeing the bones. The interactive room is not really anything to write home about. I am not in charge and perhaps there isnt the money, but the museum could do a lot more with the kids interactive room. That didnt stop the boys from having fun and exploring what the room did have in it.


I dont remember going to these museums until we moved to Virginia in 8th Grade. We did go to the museums in Chicago when we lived there- Art Institute is amazing and really where I began to love (if not understand) art. And the Museum of Science and Industry- I had irrational fears of, but I fondly remember some of its exhibits. I dont ever remember being able to go on the Merry-go_Round and I think my kids may be in the same boat.

We got back to Cville in time for the important part of the "Big Game", how did he make that catch? Next weekend-JJDinner